The Bean Bites Back

At the risk of divulging too much information on this blog, I feel the need to tell you something very important, so I'm just going to come out with it:

I have very sensitive intestines. Very.

I think you might have gathered that from yesterday's blog entry about the giant gut-ache I got after fifteen minutes of Snack Fest 2011. But, just incase things weren't clear enough, let me spell it out for you: V-E-R-Y.

If you're a close friend or family member, my news about my touchy-tummy-syndrome isn't really a shocker, especially if you've had to hang out with me after I've accidentally eaten something fried and chased it with a cup of coffee and then devoured an icecream sundae right after. This happened at Outback Steakhouse almost ten years ago when I ate the 'Bloomin' Onion' and had coffee and a giant scoop of Vanilla Icecream with chocolate sauce on top. I've not been to Outback since and, believe me, there's a reason why.

When it comes to my digestive tract, things get ugly in a hurry and, I am sorry to say, I've had to literally run from one restroom to another with stomach spasms so strong I think they count as contractions.

Now that I've painted a nice little picture in your mind (I AM an artist, afterall), let me tell you why this unfortunate physical condition has anything to do with my artistic adventures here in Motala.

I just mentioned that coffee sometimes can be a bad belly ache factor but I can usually get around this by not combining my caffine with other 'triggers' like the Bloomin' Onion or any sort of frozen milky dessert. I just avoid those things and my body can handle as much coffee as I like and LET ME TELL YOU I like my coffee. I love it. Okay, it's true, if I could marry it, I would.

When I arrived in Motala a week ago, Sofia immediately offered me a cup of good Swedish coffee (so strong, it makes your tongue beg for mercy) and I eagerly agreed to a cup, and then another. Two hours passed and it came time for afternoon coffee. Dinner rolled around and, guess what? We had coffee with dinner too. If there's a coffee heaven, I've been living there for the past week- drinking the beverage like spring water- and enjoying every minute of it.

Until now.

Over the past 8 days, I have consumed so much coffee that I think the lining of my stomach has deteriorated and now, when I drink my favorite hot beverage, my tummy lets me know that it isn't happy- not happy at all.

In order to try to placate my stomach lining, I've done something I swore I'd never do.

I've switched to- (I can't say it, it makes me sound like a weenie. Maybe it's better if I take a running start). Okay. Here it goes:

InOrderToPlacateMyStomachLiningI'veDoneSmethingISworeI'dNeverDo.

I(gasp)SWITCHED(gasp)TO(gasp)TEA---------------------------!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've disgraced my entire Swedish family by limiting my coffee intake to one small cup a day and then having to turn to tea in the afternoons and evenings. I'd like to take this moment and apologize to Swedes around the world who are, no doubt, reading this and weeping softly.

As a result of semi-retiring my coffee mug, my afternoons here in Motala have gone from coffee-buzzolicious to tea-drab. When the time for a cup of joe rolls around, I let out a mournful sigh and sleepily turn towards the tea cupboard. The only good thing is that, with any luck, my stomach lining will slowly repair itself and I'll soon be back in full swing.

Until then, I'll be sitting here- steeping my tea and without a painful stomach ache.

Dear Tummy, I hope you're happy.

Your's Bitterly,

Viv